Tagged

I had to get a new tag for the broadcast on Saturday. It's kind of silly since we just got released last Sunday. I explored a few options with Sister Ellis, wife of the executive secretary at the MTC, and this seemed like the best one. We are not allowed to use the plastic clip above the tag on the left as the metal parts could reflect the bright lights and cause a glare. The pin on the back failed about 6 months in to our service at the MTC (3 1/2 years ago) - it would not stay closed and as a result my tag kept falling off. I finally super glued it shut and I haven't given it a second thought until now. So, even though I'm "retired", they ordered me a new magnetic tag. When I got my first tag I was just a bit disappointed that it did not say, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-Saints", but I still loved it. When I looked at my new tag today, I was sad to see that tag said nothing but my name (I was happy that they spelled my name right). There were a few other sisters with tag issues, so they rushed them through and all the brand new tags were like mine... name only.

The tag on the left will always remind me of an incredible four years of learning and growth as we've been blessed to serve with the missionaries at the MTC. It's a bit dull and the lettering is not at white as it was the day I got it. But then, I'm not the same person either. I have learned so much about faith and trusting God as we move forward - not always knowing what the outcome will be. I have been humbled as I learn about the sacrifice of some of the missionaries and the struggles they have been through even at their tender ages. Serving at the MTC involves a lot of repetition. I now look at repetition not as something to be endured but as an opportunity to have something written deeply on my heart.

This new tag will only be worn once - tomorrow. But I think I will find a home for it, next to my old one where I can see it and reflect on what it means to me. A new beginning, a fresh start - lots of space for me to write my future - and to remind me of my desire to have a tag with "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-Saints" inscribed below my name.

The last verse of the congregational hymn we will sing mid conference tomorrow says it best:

"There's surely somewhere a lowly place in earth's harvest fields so wide 

Where I may labor though life's short day for Jesus the Crucified.

 So trusting my all to thy tender care and knowing thou lovest me, 

I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be."

PS Second Alto's (that's me) will be in the right quarter of the choir seats.

We will line up by height and then rearrange a bit to mix the colors, 

so I'm guessing I will be mid to lower part of that section. 

I'll be wearing turquoise!

You can quote me

 This is Brother Ryan Eggett and Sister Emily Wadley. They are our choir directors. Brother Eggett directs the MTC choir and Sister Wadley will direct the MTC sister's choir for the broadcast. Sister Wadley can only be there for half the practices so Brother Eggett directs us every other day. He works with us on getting the notes right and the words memorized, while she fine tunes the dynamics and  helps us not to look stupid, silly, odd, look good while we are singing. Today they recorded us singing and then played it back with no audio. Suffice it to say I was not complaining that the tall sister in front of me blocked my face. We need work. Both of these individuals have strong testimonies, are incredibly talented and understand the power of music. They are both pretty funny too and make the 90 minutes we are there each day fly by. It is a blessing to learn from them.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from choir practice:

"Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape."

"It doesn't have to perfect for you to enjoy it."

"You are wonderful unique person but sometimes you need to be what's needed"
 - KZ translation - worry more about how you can meet others needs than how you can impress them.

"Your faith in all things makes you strong enough to discover where your weaknesses are"

Go Forth

It's probably no secret, especially to those closest to me, that I have struggled a bit with the whole "empty nest" thing... empty being the key word.  I have moments when I feel a bit lost and unsure of what my purpose is and what my direction my life should take. I have also felt the need to have faith and move forward. I have felt peace that as I continue doing what I'm doing, my path will unfold before me. God has a plan for me - a personal, individual plan - I just don't know what it is just yet. While I have felt this in my heart and it makes sense in my head, sometimes my heart forgets. Sometimes I doubt myself and wonder if I shouldn't be doing something different. Maybe I should get a job where I could make money. Maybe I should go back to school and get a graduate degree... I have lots of options. Sometimes I feel so unsettled and I wonder. 

And then this morning 180 voices sang in unison, 

"The errand of angels is given to women, and this is a gift that as sisters we claim, 

to do whatsoever is gentle and human, to cheer and to bless in humanity's name" 

add 180 soprano voices coming over the top " Go forth...go forth". 

These words penetrated my whole heart and soul. This is my purpose and direction. Care for my family and be available to serve and help. I  knew this before but it seemed so vague. This morning though, it was direct and clear. I had to regain my composure to be able to continue to sing. 

Stop fretting... keep moving... trust me. 

I can do that. 

More Holiness

When I was about 14, I was able to participate in a YW choir for the dedication of some sculptures (like the ones above but in miniature) at the visitors center at the Los Angeles temple. While I have not been blessed with a beautiful singing voice I can usually sing the right notes with some practice. We sang a few songs but the one I remember most is "More Holiness Give Me". We sang a special arrangement written for this event. I still remember the alto part and catch myself singing it instead of the alto part in the Hymn book in sacrament meetings. The choir director told us during one practice that when we sing with all our hearts, as opposed to just singing the words, angels cannot be restrained from singing with us. I felt in my heart that this was true. I pondered the words of the songs and each time we practiced there was a sweet spirit in attendance.

The evening of the dedication was cool and clear. The temple was lit up beside us as we sat outside in the garden by the visitors center. When it came time for us to sing "More Holiness Give Me" I sang with all my heart, "More faith in my Savior, More sense of his care, More joy in his service, More purpose in prayer..."  The voices of the choir rang clear and beautiful in quiet evening. Our voices rose to heaven, harmonies blended and the words of the song filled my whole being. I had never heard this song sound as beautiful as it did that evening and I seemed to understand it more in my heart than ever before. The experience is etched in my mind with great clarity some 35 years later. 

About a month ago I got an email from Sister Nalley, wife of the MTC president informing us that the general Relief Society President, Sister Linda Burton, had requested a sister missionary choir to sing at the general Relief Society broadcast this year. She had also requested that 50 wives of Branch Presidency members sing with the younger sisters at the broadcast. There was an application we needed to fill out if we wanted to sing. I was excited to apply and hoped I would be chosen.They sent out another request about 10 days later for more sisters. About two weeks ago I got an email letting me know that I had indeed been chosen to participate in the choir - along with 42 other sisters. I guess if you had a desire to sing, you were called to the choir. 

Today was our first practice. I will admit that I was kind of lost. I usually have Jennifer sitting beside me helping me figure out my part. (I did apologize to the sweet young Sister sitting next to me - I hope I didn't throw her off too much.) As I was looking through the music at the beginning of the practice I discovered that the second song was "More Holiness Give Me". The arrangement is different than the  one I sang so many years ago but the words still moved me, "More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord,... more hope in His word, ... more longing for home..." First day of practice and my soul was filled. What a blessing.

Inspiration

picture credit

I was a freshman at BYU when the Jordan River temple was built. Our family home evening group went to the open house before it was dedicated. Back in the day, this was a very rare opportunity, to be able to tour a temple before it was dedicated. I was so excited and looked forward to this tour with great anticipation and reverence. We dressed in our Sunday best and drove up there together. I remember the covers we put on our shoes and the excitement as we entered that holy building. "Holiness to the Lord"was engraved on the front of the building. It looked and felt like a holy place as I went past the front desk of a temple for the first time. The first stop on our tour was the locker room. 

What?! ....the locker room? All of my life I had seen beautiful pictures of rooms inside the temple and here we were in the locker room? It had.... lockers... and places to change. The tour guide explained that temple patrons came here first to change out of street clothes and into all white clothes symbolic of being clean. I felt a sweet spirit emphasizing to me the importance of being clean to enter the Lords house. Of course they had a locker room. 

Funny thing is, I don't really remember much of the rest of the tour. I remember feeling peaceful and admiring the beauty and craftsmanship but the most specific memory I have is of the locker room. 

picture credit

About a year later I when through the LA temple to receive my own endowment. I was a wonderful experience. This time I needed a recommend to get passed the front desk and before I knew it I was again in the locker room of the temple. But this time I was given a locker to use as I dressed in white clothing head to toe. As I did, I felt a sweet spirit envelop me and I knew this was Gods house and was so thankful that I was clean and able to be here. 

I've been to many temples since then and have found that for me, the locker room is a place of sweet peace and inspiration. Strange, I know. I love the sessions. I love to sit in the Celestial room after a session and ponder and pray. But more often than not, it's after the session in the locker room - when I am folding and putting away my white clothing - and when I take a minute to sit in my plain little booth with the door closed, that I often receive the inspiration I was seeking. 

A day in the life

I was thinking that I should record more of my life experiences on this blog.

Here's one I was reminded of on Facebook:

photo credit

February 9, 1971. 

I was three months past my 7th birthday. 

We lived at 23351 Bassett Street in Canoga Park California,

in the San Fernando Valley.

At 6:01 AM a 6.6 earthquake hit, with it's epicenter 19 miles away in Silmar.

Linda (who was almost 3) and I shared a bedroom - and a full sized bed.

Julie and Lisa shared a room and so did Greg and Glen (who was almost one). 

I remember being awakened by a loud rumbling noise and shaking.

I bolted out of bed in the dark and ran down the hall towards my parents room.

I'm not sure if it's because it was dark or what, but I couldn't find them. 

I ran back and forth in a panic trying to find them.

We finally all gathered in the boys room where Glen lay sleeping in his crib.

We offered a family prayer of thanks that we were all safe.

When everyone was calmed down, my dad when to find a flashlight.

As he made his way back to the boys room with the flashlight he discovered broken quart jars of fruit in the hallway outside my bedroom door. 

They had fallen from the top of the linen closet where they had been stored,
as there was not enough room in the kitchen.

During the earthquake they had fallen and shattered. 

I'm not sure how many times I ran through that area in my nightgown and bare feet, but I came through with no cuts or bruises. I don't even remember being sticky.

I knew that I had been protected - as were my other family members.

Our house was fine as far as I remember. Our brick fence had a crack going through it.

About a week later we drove out to Silmar and saw the hospital pictured above. Parts of it sank a whole floor and a one whole wing fell off. I remember seeing a wheel chair sticking up above the rubble and a  bunch of ambulances crushed under a carport. I remember being so thankful that our family had been protected - and very sad that others had been hurt or died.

and these pictures make me feel really old!

Christmas 2012

I've never had a two week period go so quickly in my life! 

It's almost a blur, but it was a glorious blur. 

Many of those days I was privileged to hold joy in my arms. 

I breathed in pure love and sweet innocence 

and felt on my cheek the silky strands of hope. 

I came away from this Christmas season full of faith in our future. 

A brightness of hope for the upcoming new year.

I think I'm getting a little glimpse of the insight that age and experience brings. 

(I must be getting old)

As I held and played with my grandchildren I understood the full circle. 

I had once held my children in a similar fashion. 

And then watched them grow and change, face challenges and sorrow... and joy. 

I witnesses and experienced the parents of these little ones becoming adults

 and watched them step into the shoes I once filled as a young parent.  

Interacting with these little ones I felt of their goodness, watched them making sense of the world,

 looking to those around them to be reassured that they were safe and loved. 

And strangely, it was easy for me to imagine them as teenagers and adults.

Today their view of the world is so simple and basic but also so accurate. 

Their parents have and are building a strong foundation for them in these formative years. 

A foundation that will carry them through the rest of their lives. 

It won't be long before they are spending more time in the world than at home. 

While the world can be a wonderful place, there is also much out there that will test and try them and cause them to wonder if they are cool enough, smart enough or good enough... and it seems the challenges they will face are only getting more intense.

But many, many years ago a pure innocent child was born to a virgin in a stable far away.

This child was loved and nurtured and taught by his parents who he really was. 

He lived a perfect life. 

He was willing to submit and be obedient to Gods will. 

Even though the world mocked and scourged him, he knew deep down who he was and what his mission on this Earth was, and he did not stray from it. 

Because He did this there is hope for all of us.

Because of this child born in Bethlehem we can be reassured that,

"God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. Nor will he, so long as time shall last or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man or woman or child upon the face thereof to be saved"*

In this I feel immense gratitude and joy and hope.

I hope that I can always be part of that solid foundation that will help steady these children when the storms of life come... because they most surely will.

But they will be able to overcome because of the Savior.

*quote taken from Jeffery R. Holland. Read it all here

Hmmm

Trying really hard to enjoy the Christmas season and not stress out.

Does "trying really hard" mean I'm stressing out?

Reframed and reworded:

Taking the season a day at a time asking my heart:
Is this really important?
Does this invite the spirit of Christmas into our home?
Is it causing me undue stress?
with moments of: "Will the kids be upset if we don't. Will I be? Does their opinion really count? If they are not happy will I be happy anyway? Are they willing to take over and make it work? Is there some kind of formula that can give me a definitive answer" thrown in for good measure.

Three stockings looks a little bare...

Listening to lots of David Archuleta - He sure can sing, I'm beginning to understand the obsession!, Celine Dion and a touch of Donny Osmond ("Mary did you know?") Christmas music.

Need to get the house decorated ASAP so we can hurry up and enjoy it before we have to take it all down.

Do the neighbors care if we are the only ones without lights on the house? Do I care? Do I care what the neighbors think? Do they care what I think? But I want lights on the house, I like lights on the house...

Gingerbread house? Gingerbread Provo Tabernacle? Gingerbread nativity.... but how do you do the people, they're kind of important... skip gingerbread this year?

Please ignore the lego man and his car...

We are giving family members a trip for Christmas... do I still need something under the tree? Does it count if I wrap a note with said gift and put it under the tree... is it worth the effort... will they think it's something else and be disappointed? Do I care of there is nothing under the tree?

some traditions will never go away

Is it fair to our still-at-home-in-high-school-child that she get the same your-gift-is-the-trip Christmas present as our married kids when family trips are usually already part of the deal when you are 16 or should I be doing some shopping? Is she missing out on important Christmas memories because she's the only one left at home? Do I owe it to her to continue to do all the things we used to do when all the kids were home or will she be Ok being part of the transition?

   







Nativity scenes... lots and lots of nativity scenes. The essence of Christmas.

 Especially when they provide evidence that little ones have been around.  

 Children always seem to understand what's most important.

Thanksgiving Came Early This Year

It came in a Mazda from California.

When Amy was expecting our first grandchild a friend told me a little of what I could expect. "Grandkids are like a part of you and when you are with them you feel so much joy and when they leave it's like a part of you is missing, a literal heart ache you miss them so much."

I feel the same way. Last night, after our early Thanksgiving feast, Ruby and I played balls in the basement and Grandpa soon joined us. Peter and I climbed up the stairs over and over and over again to his delight. I stuck out my tongue "ble blur ble blur ble blur" over and over and he would smile brightly and do the same back. He would gently tip his head onto my cheek giving me loves. Then we read books, Jenn read with Peter and I read with Ruby. Long after Peter moved on to other things Ruby and I were still going strong. Seven board books and then seven longer books. I could have read all night. As she snuggled in my lap and soaked up the stories, I soaked up the moment. The weight of her in my lap, the softness of her hair on my cheek, her sweet smell... and her comments, giggles and smiles as we read. Memorizing every detail so that after she left this morning, the memory could help fill the missing space in my heart. Soon it was time for bed. Amy read the last book to Ruby, Caps for sale! Ruby knew every word and detail. Amy read, shaking her finger, 

picture credit

"You monkeys, you...give me back my caps. But the monkeys only shook their fingers back at him and said..." Then Ruby would shake her finger and say, "Tsz, tsz, tsz.". 

These are such a loved children. I could see, and had seen all week, the difference that it makes to a child to have a mother who is willing to be there for them each and every day and to have a father who wants the same thing. Some of our (adult) conversation this week was about the challenges of raising children in the world we live in. Where moral values are skewed or absent and what's popular is often mistaken for what's most  important. In Kindermusik this week we talked about the importance of children having a secure base and how that helps them have the courage and security to explore the world and eventually become independent. 

I am so thankful for children and their spouses and so many others who are sacrificing and working hard to give their children a good foundation in life. Young adults who often live a less than glamorous life, in the trenches each day nurturing, providing and protecting this most precious resource for what ails the world, our children.

Children grow up so quickly. 

These moments are fleeting. 

The time and love given by their parents each day really do make all the difference.

Despite all the challenges in the world, 

I can see hope in our future.

Forty Eight

...reasons I love my life:

1 - I'm married to my best friend. 

2, 3, 4, 5, 6 - I have five completely amazing children.

7, 8, 9 - I have three wonderful people that are married to my children

10, 11, 12, and 13 (in eighteen weeks)  - the cutest most fun grand children ever.

14 - Skype, which keeps me connected to # 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12

15 - email which keeps me connected to # 5

16, 17 - wonderful parents who sacrificed much and continue to love me.

18, 19 - the wonderful people who raised my husband.

20, 21 - the spouses of my in-laws who have loved all of us.

22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27 - six very fun and loved Kindermusik classes who help fill the gap in my heart          because 10, 11 and 12 live far away.

28 my dear friend and neighbor who got me involved in Kindermusik.

29 - 33 awesome friends and neighbors who are like my family when mine are far away
34 - 38 extended family members who don't allow distance to create distance between us

39 - a healthy body

40 - a fairly sound mind

41 - a beautiful home

42 - a good education

43 - membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

44 - temples where I can receive inspiration and be sealed to 1-13, 16 & 17 and more
45 - ability to pray and talk to my Heavenly Father.

46 - the gift of the Holy Ghost to prompt, direct and comfort me.

47 - scriptures to guide, inspire me and answer my prayers.

48 - knowing I have a Father in Heaven and Savior who love me and care about the details of my life.

the rest will have to wait for another post.

Grandpa Jim

Grandpa Jim and Grandma T. (picture taken shamelessly from Facebook)

"Rudolph and his wife were sitting in their home in communist Russia one evening, you see. Rudolph, a weather man, looked out the window at a clear blue sky and said to his wife, "It's going to rain". She looked out the window and scoffed, "What are you talking about, there's not a cloud in the sky". He went back to his reading and she went back to her knitting. Before long a bright flash and the loud boom of thunder startled her. She looked up from her knitting as the rain began to pour. Shocked, she turned and looked at her husband who sat with his nose still in his book. He said..."

We waited. The smile left Grandpa Jim's face and you could tell he was struggling, searching to find the punch line. We agonized with him, hoping and silently praying the words would come to him. It's not that we didn't know what came next, he had told us this joke every Christmas season for years. But this year was different. The Jim we had known and loved had been slipping away due to the effects of Alzheimer's. We had spent the afternoon together. We ate at the same Marie Calendars we always ate at when we got together in Phoenix between Christmas and New Years. Went to the same park afterward. Jim had ordered the ribs but ate only one. Pie was always ordered regardless of how full we were. It gave us more time together and Jim especially doted on his sweet tooth. But today, Jim was disoriented in the restaurant. He would quietly lean towards Grandma and ask where we were and why we were here. He was unusually quiet as we ate. At the park afterward he sat and watched the whirl of our children and his new great granddaughter play around him. Then all too soon, it was time to go. They had a good two hour drive and wanted to get back before dark. As we walked towards our cars there was a feeling of sadness in my heart. It was more than just missing them. The changes in Jim were much more pronounced this year, it was clear he was slowly slipping away. Then Jim announced that he had a joke! We stopped walking to allow him to concentrate more fully. I remember Amy had been walking next to him... I think their arms were linked. As I looked back she smiled brightly. We all gathered around to listen... and then to wait. The punch line went through my mind and I summoned all of my telepathic powers to send it to him. As I looked at the faces of the others it seemed they were doing the same thing. 

Then Jim's face brightened, 

"He said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"."

I don't remember exactly our outward reaction. I know we laughed and hugged him and told him how much we loved his jokes. Really how much we loved him. Inside I was cheering and jumping up and down. This was huge. Grandma smiled and as we turned to continue on to the cars she said quietly to me,

"I'm so glad he remembered it".

"Me too."

That was 2008

Jim passed from this life last night around 8:50pm Arizona time.

It has been a long and hard down hill slide.

Jim is at peace now and our hearts and prayers go out to Grandma T., 

Jim's children and to all those he left behind who have been touched by his goodness.

We look forward to a glorious meeting someday... 

and a lot more jokes. 

PS His sister, with whom he was always close in this life,

 passed away a few hours before he did, also of Alzheimer's.

The Grinch... and David Archuleta

I grew up in the olden days...

you know, way back before VCR's and VHS*.

I grew up in the day where each Christmas special
was shown on TV one evening a year... 

usually at 7:00 or 8:00 on a weeknight

in December, and if you missed it...


well, Christmas just wasn't the same.

I had my favorites:


       Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,

Frosty the snowman,
  and his cute friend Karen

The Little Drummer boy
who's name was Aaron...hmmm

 - Amazing how they got those figures to move like they did.
It was technology at it's finest.

And of course How the Grinch Stole Christmas. 

My love for movies with character development began early. 

Times changes though, which is a good thing.

VCR's and VHS came along allowing people to watch these treasures whenever they wanted.
Even if it wasn't Christmas time.

When Christian was 2, he and his friend Celeste loved to watch

the dog pulling the Grinch down the mountain
(just watch the first few minutes)
I always knew where they were at in the movie because
they would begin laughing hysterically.

Things continued to change as my kids grew.
Soon nobody was watching the Grinch, even at Christmas time.

When it was time to decorate the tree
I had to round up people to come and do it with me,
 schedule it way in advance... or just do it myself.

I discovered that it's not as fun to have a "decorator tree" as I thought it would be.
Over time getting ready for Christmas began to feel like a chore.
Like I was obligated to create something that no one really cared about.
I began to understand the the Grinch,
my heart felt a few sizes too small when it came to Christmas.

But what to do.

I was feeling guilty that I felt this way when a dear friend
posted this link on Facebook
(to say she is a HUGE David Archuleta fan would be gross understatement)

Twenty two seconds was all it took
My Grinchy heart began to grow again.

That was my answer.
HIS LOVE


Do the things that would help me
and those around me feel
HIS LOVE.

All the rest doesn't really matter.
The tree, the presents, all the fluff.
Turns out the Whoos had it right!



so Wahoo doraa, Da hoo doraa Welcome Christmas come this way.
(are you singing it in your head?)

I'm not sure what Christmas will look like at my house this year
but I hope that I and those around me will feel more clearly
His Love
If so, then Christmas will be a huge success.

(excuse me while I go sing the rest of the song)
 (start it at 3:30 is you want to hear it)

*you can look it up on Wikipedia if you don't know what I'm talking about.

First Date

 Last week Jennifer was asked to homecoming by a very nice young man in band. It was her first date. We bought her a new dress and Cecily came over and did her hair. She looked stunning. I wish the lighting was better (and Amy was closer), these pictures do not do her justice (but they will have to suffice).

They had a very nice dinner with another couple at Joseph's house, went to the dance and then back to Joseph's house for dessert.

 
I suppose I should say something here about my baby growing up and how I can hardly believe it... while that's true my overriding feelings are ones of awe and pride... the good kind of pride, the kind that you feel when you know that she has made good choices in her life and has such a bright future. When you know that while her dad and I did have some influence on her, as did her siblings, most of all we try to stay out of her way and allow her to shine.

And shine she does.

A good day

I had a hard time getting up this morning.
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night.
When I did get to sleep I had a dream...
I dreamt I was having a hard time getting to sleep.
It woke me up...
and then I couldn't figure out if it was real or a dream.
It bothered me...
until I looked at the clock
and realized that I must have been sleeping...
but now I was awake again.

As Jenn and Nina
(I will introduce you to our German exchange student soon)
left for school,
this view greeted me from the front window
and reassured me that it will be a good day...

Especially if I get a nap.

50 years

October 6, 1961

50 years

6 children

33 grand children

8 great grandchildren (I think)

and at least one on the way

Eternity to go!

Love you mom and dad.

Happy Anniversary

A wonderful morning

Almost a year ago we got an early morning text from Christian telling us the Provo Tabernacle was on fire.

It was a heart rending time for all of us. 

Since then we have driven by the hollow building supported by scaffolding,

and wondered the fate of this historic building.

 

This morning during general conference it was announce that the 

Provo Tabernacle would be rebuilt as a second temple in Provo!

 We couldn't be more excited...

Well, actually, the announcement of the Paris Temple (which was already announced by the French newspapers) and the announcement of the Democratic Republic of Congo temples were also very exciting for us as those are two places where our French missionaries at the MTC will be serving

... and now they will also have temples for they people they teach to attend. 

What a tender mercy! 

We feel very blessed today

Hey Everyone!

Sunrise in his city (or maybe it was sunset?)

* for some reason Christian did not get our letters before he wrote his so he didn't know of Mark's accident. He sent me a quick message telling me he didn't change much.

Hey guys! 

Well from what I have heard it sounds like it has been a pretty crazy week at home. One scripture that comes to mind is in Jacob 4:8 or also in 2 Ne 28: 29-32. I dont know if it´s exactly the same in English, (I don't read in english anymore if I dont have to). I really love these scriptures, becuse it tells us more about the nature of God, and what He expects from us.  It is super applicable for me as a full time dedicated servant of the lord, but it totally applicable to every one of us too. Often we rely on the arm of flesh for our support, but God is the creator of everything around us, everything!! Think about that! Whenever we have a problem we can turn to Him and He will help us! If he lets us struggle for a little bit, it isnt because he doesnt love us, it is becasue we learn through hard times, and often times we have hard times so that we can turn to the Lord, and rely on him, as well as gain experience. I love thse scriptures, because I don't know about you guys, but if I were left to my own merits, there would be very little that would turn out right. It doesnt matter what it is, with the Lord, we will come out the better! What a comfort!! So I challenge each of you to turn to the Lord whenever there is a hard time or something that doesnt work out perfectly, and see if things don't change for the better, that could be your attitude, or something else. Also remember Ether 12:6. 

Oh man! I love the mission! The lord is helping me to grow and learn so much! I had no idea how imperfect I am! But with the lord, when we put absolute trust and faith in him, and do all we can to be obedient, and do our part, miracles will happen. I have a testimony of that, and am so excited to be able to see miracles in the lives of our investigators and in my life, what an amazing opportunity it is to serve a mission.

 A common question is how is my Spanish, and its coming! It seems right now my ability to listen and understand people is really starting to kick in, and i love it! I still don't understand a lot, but if we are talking about important things, like the gospel, I rarely don't understand, which is such a blessing! This week we went and had a lesson with one of our investigators, who we were considering dropping, because she wasn't progressing. When we went there we addressed many doubts and had a beautiful lesson, which was only possible through the holy ghost. I know that because, first of all my companion has been kinda sick this week, and out of it, so I did pretty much all of the talking, and it was amazing how everything went. I am always amazed at what the Lord can do with me, as imperfect, and stubborn as I am. But that is what this life is about, learning how to become the tools the Lord wants, until one day, we know enough about the way He works, that we are able to try things on our own. I think it is then that we become like Him.. who knows, but I know for right now, and probably for the next 50 million years I wont be able to do things on my own.. mind boggling stuff.. but what we can do now, is work work work, and get better, like it says in Alma 37: 6-7 it is through small and simple things that come about the great and eternal plans of our creator. Improvement and progression is one of those small and simple things, where over time after changin and improving day by day, we have improved immeasurably.. how awesome! 

Well guys things are great here, I tried nouquis this week and it was amazing, i also have been having mileanesa a lot, and a lot of empanadas, I love it! Always we eat bread with our meals, and the everyone is always drinking their mate (we can't) things are awesome. Martin is out of town and will get back this Thursday, so we have been calling him and seeing how he is doing (he works in an oil field and is gone for a week and has a week back, which is really hard on him and his family, I think that is one of the reasons he has been so focused on his family.. just imagine if you had that sort of schedule.. wow). We started teaching another family the parents are Dario and Selvina, and they are both super evangelico, but they are very open and receptive to our message, and it helps that the hermanas are teaching dario´s brother, so he is even more open. Those are our progressing people right now, and we have a bunch more people who are either stagnant or brand new, so I will give you updates on the important stuff.. Anyways!! love you guys! Hope things calm down, and ultimately that we turn to the Lord when we have hard times, because alot of the time that is the purpose of hard times.

Love you guys! I am doing soo well here! havent had a bad day yet! :)

Love, Elder Zimbelman

Getting better

Tuesday was a little rough for Mark, and I was a little anxious in the morning.

He slept and rested and I taught Kindermusik and we both felt pretty good by afternoon

Wednesday Mark rested well, napping in the morning an afternoon.

Again, I taught Kindermusik, checking on him between classes.

It was a beautiful day and in the afternoon we went for a walk around the park

and then around the block, stopping to talk and visit as we went. All in all he was up and about for probably two hours or more. Then, just for fun, and because he still felt pretty good, Jennifer drove him to the High School for some parent teacher conferences. He was tempted to go meet our new missionaries at the MTC but chose not to. Mark was tired and Aaron was arriving late that night. He would be staying with us while he attended a research conference for former Accounting students who are now in PhD programs. We were up late, too late.

Thursday morning was rough for a number of reasons: up late, rough night, and it's the third day since the crash. Turns out the doctors knew what they were talking about... the pain is worse the third day. Took it easy in the morning, good nap in the afternoon and by evening he was feeling pretty good.

Friday he was up and showered early enough to go with Aaron to the meetings at the conference. He is doing really well but as they drove away I began to feel anxious. This is the first time he's been out of the house and away from me since the accident. What if he passes out, what if he over does it...he's a big boy, and Aaron's there to keep an eye on him. He'll be OK. But I still felt anxious.

Then I started to think about him riding his bike again - not that it will be in the next week - but I know that at one point he will jump on that bike again and ride away just at he did Monday - and as he has done thousands of times. I know there are risks involved, there are risks no matter where we are or what we are doing. But right now the reality that I may loose him someday is pressing on my mind. I begin to wonder when, how will it happen? Will it begin like the call I received Monday night...only what I find when I arrive at the hospital will be different...?

I suppose this has always been the case. Really it's the same when he goes to work or I go the gym or grocery store. There are no guarantees in this life. So how to I but this fear behind me?

I know that he and I are sealed forever. While we will most likely be separated in this life at some point I know it will be a temporary separation - for this life only. And then, when we have both passed on we will be together forever, never to be apart again. I know that I'm not alone. I am surrounded by so many who love and support me and my family. 

Ultimately it comes to fear vs. faith. I need to remember to trust. Trust God. Trust that he will hear and answer my prayers and also trust that He knows not only what is best for me and for Mark but for all of God's children. I'm not saying God pulled some strings to cause the accident. We have our agency and sometimes we act in ways that hurt or injure others, God won't take away our agency. But we can repent and make it right through the atonement. And the atonement is also there to help and strengthen us through our pains, sorrows and challenges that come through our own weaknesses, through the mistakes of others or just come as part of the life experience.

And is all these trials we are never alone. That comforts me and helps me have faith. 

Chris warned me that I might feel this way

and helped me prepare for when these feelings came.

Thanks Chris... it helped me today.

De ja vu - well sort of

This is a long post.
It is more for me than for anyone else.
To help me process, to help me remember how blessed I was last night and to help me deal with all the feelings that are going through me right now.

And to answer the questions many people have asked.

Monday evening just past 6 Jenn and I were preparing for a friend who would be joining us for dinner. Our friend arrived a little early and Mark wasn't home from his bike ride yet... a little odd but I didn't think much about it. A few minutes later my phone rang. It was Timpanogos Hospital ER informing me that Mark had been in an accident and asked if I could come right down. She asked if I knew where the hospital was, I repeated back to her the nearest cross streets and we hung up. I relayed the message to Jenn and Danny, we turned off burners, put the meat in the fridge, our friend quickly left and we headed to the hospital.

The whole way there I was trying to recall the details of my conversation with the woman at the hospital and was mad that I didn't ask more question. He was on a back board. He was awake because he told them it was OK to call me - not in a coma, that's good. Jenn texted the kids while I drove to let them know what was going on and then offered a prayer.

When we arrived Mark was out of the room getting a CAT scan. A CAT scan... hmmm. I asked around to get more information. We found out that he was hit by a longboarder on the river trail and was unconscious for at least 10 minutes. I felt sick inside and angry.

Robbie and Cecily joined Jenn and I at the ER after a few minutes. Mark was soon wheeled back in awake and not in too much pain. He told us that he was almost home, riding past the parking lot by the bridge at 8th North and University. He slowed down as he approached this area because it was often crowded and kind of a dangerous area. He saw one long boarder come out of the parking area and then a few moments later another one shot out right in front of him. He saw Mark and jumped off his skate board. Mark tried to bunny hop the deserted board but didn't make it. He woke up 10 minutes later in the ambulance on his way to the hospital. His left side took the brunt of the impact cracking a rib and breaking his left radius near the elbow also bruising his hip and shoulder. He lost skin from his cheek, chin, both knees, assorted fingers and knuckles and has a scrape across his chest. They didn't discover the elbow was broken until they were helping him sit up and get into the wheelchair. He requested that they x-ray it and sure enough - a compression fracture.

When we finally got him home it was after 9:00pm. Mark hadn't had much to drink and nothing to eat since his bikeride. He sat up to the bar and was about to start eating when he told us he felt light headed, like he was going to pass out. I turned to get something more for him when Cecily said, "He IS going to pass out". Robbie stood on one side of him and I hurried to the other and just moments later he went limp. Cecily and Jenn could see all the color drain from him and he kind of twitched and began to sweat profusely. My shirt was wet where his head leaned against me. When he came to we got him something to drink and tried to get him talking when he passed out again. Cecily was very calm and suggested that we lay him on the ground and elevate his feet. I was told Jenn to get our neighbor to help lay Mark on the ground, I was afraid I would drop him while we were trying to move him. Mark came to again. Jenn came back in a few minutes, the neighbor she went to get was out of town but a different one was passing by and I'm really not sure how he ended up coming over but I'm glad he did. While we laid him on the floor I had Jenn call our good friend and Mark's doctor, Chris Wood. He used to live next door but lives in North Salt Lake. Cecily was awesome and calm, just what I needed.  I described what was going on to Chris and he gave me some instructions and things to watch for. We gave him some OJ and other liquids to get his blood sugar and volume up. At some point we called our faithful home teacher to come and help give him a blessing. As Mark ate and drank his color got better and he could carry on a conversation and not slur his words. We began to breathe a little easier watching the color return to his face and he began joking and talking. Chis called back a few minutes later to let me know he was on his way. Mark was given a beautiful blessing of healing and comfort by Robbie and the other bretheren. After a 20 minutes or so laying on the floor, Mark was looking pretty good and the men helped Mark up and into the chair in the living room. We put blankets on him and got more food into his system along with some pain medication. He seemed more like his old self more and more. Our wonderful neighbor headed home and our home teacher stayed a bit longer.

Before long Chris arrived and we looked at the CD of Mark's CAT scan and xrays. Chris examined Mark and didn't find any evidence of internal bleeding. Mark and I were so touched that he would drive all this way in the middle of the night to check on him. But he came for me too. He realized how scared I was and how overwhelming all this was for me and gave me instructions too along with a prescription for anxiety which I was reluctant to get filled but glad I did.

While in the ER Robbie took a picture of Mark and posted it on facebook. The calls, prayers and well wished rolled in. We were overwhelmed by the love and support we feel. In addition to getting this out of my head and in to some tangible form that I could deal with I wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to those who were there for us in a second's notice. I feel so blessed. I'm sure the next few days will be a challenge but I know we are certainly not alone.

In over three decades of our married life it has been me that has given birth, had my appendix out, had other health challenges... including getting taken out by a longboarder. I can't remember a time when my wonderful husband has been the one lying there while I felt helpless. This is new and I don't like it. Tonight I feel exhaused, vunerable, and very very aware of how fragile life is. But I do not feel alone. I feel so loved, so supported and carried - and I'm not the one hurt. The efforts made today to support our family were such kind acts, so needed and given because others knew what we needed and were willing to drop what they were doing to help us. That was a whole huge group of tender mercies and love. Thank you! I am reminded each moment that God knows each of us personally and attends to our needs often through our friends and neighbors - the angels who surround us all the time.

Proof is in the picture

Doesn't he look great! Especially after being on the road for soooo many hours.

PS the writing is normal... not effected by exhaustion.