Deciding to do Kindermusik

Written a month ago

I remember when I was expecting baby #2. I knew the amazing amount of love I felt for Aaron and wondered if I could ever love another child as much as I loved him. I couldn't imagine it was possible and felt a little guilty. But when Amy was born my ability to love increased beyond what I had ever felt before. She was her own little person and I loved both of my children incredibly.

I remember being pregnant with Jennifer. It had been a very difficult pregnancy and as I sat in the rocking chair feeling her kick my hand, I knew she would be my last baby. I shed tears more than once at the realization that the time was quickly approaching that I would never feel a baby moving inside me again.

I find that I am apprehensive again as the next few weeks will bring about some major changes in my life. 

BUT, realizing that I worried about past changes

and also realizing I have loved my life since those changes took place

gives me faith and hope that the transitions that are coming will also bring great joy.

This fall we will have just one child at home. 

When did I get this old? 

Isn't it just old people that have all their children grown and gone? 

Now that I am done with school and my children are growing up and moving out what will I do? Cooking, cleaning, yard work - stuff like that of course - but I feel like I want more,
maybe need more. 

With both granddaughters living in different states I miss them. 

A lot. 

I feel like I have a lot of love to give,
some mothering and nurturing still to give,
I miss the sounds of little giggles and squeals of delight in my home...

but in reality, I only want it part time.