End of a Era

I dropped Jennifer off at Heritage Halls today.

We have been making quick trips over to her dorm room to drop stuff off for two days now but today I came home without her. I felt like crying in the car but it seemed silly. I am so excited for her - a new phase of life.

I remember so clearly the day my dad dropped me off at Heritage Halls. I was in Young Hall. Excited and very nervous. We unloaded my stuff. Stood there awkwardly for a moment (as I subdued the urge to grab my suitcase and go home with him), we hugged and he was gone. I kind of wanted to cry - I could have too because none of my roommates were there - but I unpacked instead. My home was over 700 miles away and I knew no one. Soon enough, my roommates were there and it was like a big slumber party as we got to know each other over the next few days. Then the learning began in earnest - classroom learning but more importantly - real life learning.

Jennifer is not even close to the first one I have dropped off at Heritage Halls. Every time it has meant a change in our family. New dynamics, sometimes a change of bedrooms for those left at home. I have mourned a little at the end of my "active mothering phase" for each child, but today was different. I came home to a silent empty home. (Christian will move out in two days but he was at work.) I am now the mother of all adult children. My children no longer need me in the same way they used to. They do not need me to pack lunches, cook their dinners or remind them of things. No more piano recitals, meetings with school counselors or Scout/YW evenings. Do I celebrate or cry? Both I think.

Tonight, I miss my children; I miss my grandchildren and the house and my heart seem empty. I wonder and hope that I have taught them what they need to be successful in life - but I can still teach, mentor and love them, it's just different.

On Friday my life will go back to what it was like some thirty years ago. Just me and my best friend - only it will be different. Our life is so much fuller and richer - closely tied and bound together in an ever growing circle of amazing friends that we also call our children; our grandchildren are a whole new generation who are in need of "active grandmothering" even if it is done by long distance.

Tonight my feelings are tender, but tomorrow the sun will rise on a beautiful new day. New opportunities and decisions will present themselves, and I will try to be ready.

There are some distinct advantages to just being the two of us again - it will be like falling in love all over again.

Life Marches On

Twenty Thirteen.

I think it was when we were driving to St. George from Amy's house in Roseville (CA) that the conversation turned to the events this year would hold for our family:

Twenty Thirteen promises to be full of change:

big changes for me.

Jennifer will graduate from High School - my baby.

My baby who has become an amazing, beautiful woman and a dear friend.

     -No more children in public schools.

Jennifer will spend three weeks in Germany on an school organized exchange.
    - I realize that she will be 18, but my baby will be in a foreign country.
    - Mark and I will have three straight weeks to ourselves.

Exciting, different, a little taste of things to come. Three weeks is long enough to do something fun, something productive - and not quite long enough to feel lost.

Christian will return home from his mission
     -Can I really be the mother of three returned missionaries?
Ruby will start Kindergarten
Jennifer will start College

I'm getting old. 

Christian and Jennifer will move out and attend BYU.
    - Which means I retire from full time mothering...

This is the big one. 

The first twenty years of my life I looked forward and prepared to be a mother. 

It was the desire of my heart. 

The next almost thirty years I have spent enveloped in the lives of my family,

most especially my children.

This is a great blessing I have been given from my Father in Heaven

as well as my amazing husband, as he has also made it possible,

not only to have them, but for mothering and nurturing to be my full time job.

I look forward to having having a freedom we have not had for many years.

But, he will go to work and while I will have Kindermusik,

for the first time in a long time, 

no one will come through the door in the middle of the day

ready for a snack and some chatter about their day.

I will miss that. 

The house will be very quiet most of the day,

which isn't that different than it is now,

 but it will feel more empty.

I guess that's why they call it an empty nest.

Mark will be released from the MTC.

   -Which means he will have an extra 16+ hours a week.

   -We may actually get to sit together in church.

   - We will miss the great blessing of associating with the incredible Elders and Sisters at the MTC.

And then, last but not least on 11-13 of 2013, I will turn 50.

   - Not a bit deal really. But I guess a lot of it depends on the things that happen earlier in the year.

Twenty thirteen promises to be full of change, probably summed up by a fortune cookie: 

"Your path may be difficult but it will be rewarding."

Ready or not, here it comes...

Jennifer

Jennifer turned 17 on Tuesday.

Time is a funny thing. 

Sometimes I feel like I was so busy with older siblings I somehow missed her childhood.

And now here she is. Finishing her junior year in just two months.

One more year and she will be off to college.

This is an extraordinary young lady.

While she is not perfect she is bright, kind and very level headed.

She is fun to take shopping and is a great source if you need a good book,

some one to go with you on a bike ride or to yoga.

She loves to laugh, watch movies, play games, tutors children in reading,

still babysits because she has families that just can't give her up.

If you need to know where a certain scripture is... chances are she can tell you.

She can play a lively tarantella on the piano and makes a flute sing.

This may sound a little bragy and if it does I apologize.

Really, there's so much more I could say about her.

When I sit back and think about the person she is becoming I know that it's the blessing of being influenced by so many good people. Especially her brothers and sisters and her dad. 

Jennifer has been very loved from the day she was born and seems to easily radiate that love to others.

Happy Birthday Jennifer

Sorry I was late!

Building Bridges

  Some families like pinewood derby... we are not one of them. 

 However, we do like a good bridge building, and subsequent crushing. 

Ever since Jennifer began Physics last fall, Mark and I (OK, not so much Mark) regularly ask Jennifer when they are going to do bridges. The minute she found out she texted me. We gave her instructions months ago to make sure she gets an extra set of wood and glue.

 Christian built his first bridge as a junior in Physics and his second, a year later in AP Physics. We learned on his first bridge that you cannot get the same kind of glue at any store in town and the other types of glue just do not work as well - very slow drying = lots of extra time and glued fingers. His second bridge was 6th overall in the school.

Students buy a kit consisting of 3 ft. long and 3/32 of an inch square balsa wood sticks, glue, a cardboard piece and two wood blocks. They are given  instructions with formulas and information about the pressure each piston will put on their bridge. From this they create and draw their design, cut and glue the beams, and put it all together. As they proceed they are allowed to ask the teacher questions about what makes a good design and are given general answers if they ask the right questions. 

The actual building of the bridge is a long and tedious process but rewarding in the end if you are willing to pay the price. 

The bridge is judged by a ratio of how much the bridge weighs to how much pressure it holds before it breaks. Both regular and AP Physics are tested together with the top 5 in the school receiving cash prizes and the top 5 in the state getting more awards. 

With many of the bridges you can tell that they just threw things together. In general if they just follow the basic concepts and the design given to them, their bridge will hold 1000 lbs... the minimum for an A, taking the ratio into consideration. 

The contest is sponsored by BYU and a Physics professor comes out with his bridge crushing machine to test the bridges. He's pretty funny, and comments on the design of the bridge when he puts it in the machine. When he picked up Jennifer's he said something like, "Wow this is really nice! You can tell what kind of grades Jennifer gets just by looking at this bridge!" 

In the end (as you can see above) it held 1443 lbs. with a ratio of 36.something.

She ended up 5th overall!

(If you want to see the video of the bridge crushing you can check it out on Facebook, both Mark and I posted it.)

GO JENN!!!!

When her friend in the class found out they were doing bridges she told Jenn that her family had been dreading it since she enrolled in Physics.

I guess we are just weird.

Let there be LIGHT(S)!

 

 

Thanks Jenn for your help and the awesome pictures!

Hmmm

Trying really hard to enjoy the Christmas season and not stress out.

Does "trying really hard" mean I'm stressing out?

Reframed and reworded:

Taking the season a day at a time asking my heart:
Is this really important?
Does this invite the spirit of Christmas into our home?
Is it causing me undue stress?
with moments of: "Will the kids be upset if we don't. Will I be? Does their opinion really count? If they are not happy will I be happy anyway? Are they willing to take over and make it work? Is there some kind of formula that can give me a definitive answer" thrown in for good measure.

Three stockings looks a little bare...

Listening to lots of David Archuleta - He sure can sing, I'm beginning to understand the obsession!, Celine Dion and a touch of Donny Osmond ("Mary did you know?") Christmas music.

Need to get the house decorated ASAP so we can hurry up and enjoy it before we have to take it all down.

Do the neighbors care if we are the only ones without lights on the house? Do I care? Do I care what the neighbors think? Do they care what I think? But I want lights on the house, I like lights on the house...

Gingerbread house? Gingerbread Provo Tabernacle? Gingerbread nativity.... but how do you do the people, they're kind of important... skip gingerbread this year?

Please ignore the lego man and his car...

We are giving family members a trip for Christmas... do I still need something under the tree? Does it count if I wrap a note with said gift and put it under the tree... is it worth the effort... will they think it's something else and be disappointed? Do I care of there is nothing under the tree?

some traditions will never go away

Is it fair to our still-at-home-in-high-school-child that she get the same your-gift-is-the-trip Christmas present as our married kids when family trips are usually already part of the deal when you are 16 or should I be doing some shopping? Is she missing out on important Christmas memories because she's the only one left at home? Do I owe it to her to continue to do all the things we used to do when all the kids were home or will she be Ok being part of the transition?

   







Nativity scenes... lots and lots of nativity scenes. The essence of Christmas.

 Especially when they provide evidence that little ones have been around.  

 Children always seem to understand what's most important.

First Date

 Last week Jennifer was asked to homecoming by a very nice young man in band. It was her first date. We bought her a new dress and Cecily came over and did her hair. She looked stunning. I wish the lighting was better (and Amy was closer), these pictures do not do her justice (but they will have to suffice).

They had a very nice dinner with another couple at Joseph's house, went to the dance and then back to Joseph's house for dessert.

 
I suppose I should say something here about my baby growing up and how I can hardly believe it... while that's true my overriding feelings are ones of awe and pride... the good kind of pride, the kind that you feel when you know that she has made good choices in her life and has such a bright future. When you know that while her dad and I did have some influence on her, as did her siblings, most of all we try to stay out of her way and allow her to shine.

And shine she does.

Strings Attached

photo courtesy of Amy

Tuesday morning Jenn and I went running with our neighbor, Karen. Mark would be leaving soon to fly to New Jersey for a business trip and would be home Friday evening. Amy's Jordan had been out of town the week before and had left again on Monday for another business trip. Last week was a rough one for Amy and this week would be her birthday. We had looked into airplane tickets to fly her and the kids out here but they were too expensive. Still... my heart ached at the thought of her being alone with two little ones on her birthday. There had to be something we could do. I began to assemble a package to send to her with some new fun things for Ruby to do and a little something for her too. As we were running I lamented to Karen about wanting to be with Amy, and Karen said, "Well, drive out there!". Duhhhh! why didn't I think of that! Jenn and I got back from our run around 7:45, talked to Mark as he was heading out the door and arranged to take the Mazda. We quickly packed, I taught Kindermusik from 10:00 to 10:45 and we were on the road by 11:15. We called Amy about two hours into our drive and told her to break out her air mattress. We were all very excited! We arrived that evening and got to see Ruby for a few minutes before Amy tucked her into bed. Two glorious days of giggling, chasing, baby kisses, imaginary play, coloring, snuggling and bliss. It seemed like more of a gift to me than to Amy in a lot of ways. It was really fun to make her some birthday cupcakes, get her some balloons, dinner and cool candles, as if she was 16 instead of 26. Jordan came home that night (Thursday - her birthday) and they went out and saw Harry Potter. Yesterday Jenn and I went running with Amy and the crew and then packed up again and headed home. 

I know about cutting apron strings and the importance of allowing children to grow up and become independent. I know they need to be able to live their own lives and right now Sacramento is where Amy, Jordan and their family are supposed to be. But what about the heart strings. No one seems to talk much about those. The aching I feel when I leave that sweet family... being able to still feel the sweet little hugs and hear laughter in my head and know it will be a while before my cheek is able to rest on their silky hair again. What about that tugging on my heart when, like Ruby and Olivia, I too want to be able to go through the screen when we skype and be wrapped in their arms. Then there's the pull I feel that makes me so willing to spend two days driving to see them for two days. So totally worth it. In many ways this trip was empowering. It was easy to throw a few thing in my bag and just go. Aaron and Celisa better settle within a one day drive too, because even thought the apron strings have been cut, the heartstrings are still firmly attached.

Girls Camp 2011

Warning: Lots and lots of pictures in this post

 For Girls camp we usually go as a stake to Camp Mia Shalom in the mountains above Fairfield and west of Scofield lake; but because Mia Shalom is in high demand, and every 10 years or so we do girls camp on our own as wards. This was one of those years and our ward decided to go to Moab. 

The timing turned out to be a blessing as Mia Shalom still had 12 feet of snow in June and many stakes had their girls camp canceled and were left scrambling to find something to do.

I will begin by saying that while Moab is a great place 

Moab in July is just HOT!

But since July was the only time we could make it work

we just made it work!

Some of the leaders: Becky, Karen and Karen

Some of the girls: Jen, Kris, Michelle and Hannah

We camped at Big Bend campground on the Colorado River in hopes that being close to water would help everyone stay cooler and be more comfortable. Our particular camp site was across the road from the river in our own little canyon.

To our campsite - river at our back

Looking towards the road and beyond that is the river.

We never actually swam in the river here because we found out that just the day before, a 21 year old woman was swimming at the beach at the campground without a life jacket and had drowned. They had not yet found her body. We did not bring life jackets and would not be swimming there. We did not share this information with the girls... we just kept busy and didn't go down there.

On our first evening we planned to hike to Delicate Arch. I was kind of hoping for a moonlight hike after it cooled off a bit, but our YW president felt like we should go sooner so we left right after dinner. During dinner the wind began to whip up and a few clouds moved in blocking the sun. It cooled things down a bit. The drive into Arches was scenic and the air conditioning in the car was wonderful. The girls were in good spirits as we began to hike and the wind and clouds provided a little break from the heat.

 

 
We made it to Delicate Arch with no problems and all the girls seemed to be having fun.

As we hiked back down we enjoyed watching the sun as it set; filling the sky with beautiful colors and silhouettes from the surrounding rocks and vegetation.

Driving out of Arches it became dark quickly and began to rain. We could see lots of lightning in the distance and hear the thunder. The timing of our hike was perfect. We found out later that the storm that passed through, not only broke one of our tents but also set records for rainfall in one area of Moab and caused flash flooding in Arches near Delicate Arch stranding 73 people for more than 8 hours.

Upon discovering that our largest tent was broken (and as it was sprinkling rain off and on) those of us that were supposed to sleep in the tent opted to sleep in the large empty trailer instead. Which worked out fine once the wind settled down.

The next day we went river rafting!  

The river was relatively calm though fast moving with a few "rapids". We had water wars to stay cool and entertained. It was a fun day. Jennifer started out in the boat with me (the fun - let's soak em good boat) until she jumped in the river after a bucket that went astray and was picked up by the other boat (the I don't really want to get wet but would be happy to just float down the river boat, (Ok just the back half of the boat felt that way)). Later she was able to rejoin our boat - and everyone got wet.

That's not my best side on the far left and Jenn is on the far right.

 We came home tired, a little sunburned despite our multiple reapplications of sunscreen, and as soon as we dried off we were hot. We made ice cream (thanks to the men who kept us supplied with plenty of ice), hunted for lizards, had devotionals, dinner, did skits, sang in the canyon and saw lots of falling stars. Some of the girls even had a campfire and roasted starbursts and made s'mores. It was another windy night, actually windier than the night before which made the large "drop down" door of the trailer blow open and then slam closed all through the night. We had the side door open but didn't know what else to do because of the heat. The wind finally died down about 3:30 am and I was able to go to sleep.

Then last day we had breakfast and broke camp. By 9:30 we were all packed up and headed for our last adventure, a hike to Morning Glory Bridge in Negro Bill Canyon just down the road and river from were we were camping. As we passed a campsite right before Negro Bill Canyon one of the girls noticed an ambulance parked there. I found out later that earlier that morning they found the body of the woman who drowned.

Negro Bill Canyon is a narrow canyon with a stream flowing through the middle year round (Named after one of the original settlers of Moab). It was nice to have some shade and ten stream crossings made it a fun hike too.

 

 At the end of the trail was the spring that fed the stream and also Morning Glory Bridge.

 

We played and got water, cooled off and had a testimony meeting before heading back - to the cars and then to Moab for pizza. All in all a good experience. The next morning I slept in until 9:30... which is unheard of for me. I felt thankful that we were safe and had a wonderful experience. We have the BEST group of young women and I feel blessed to be able to associate with their amazing leaders.

Capitol Reef Classic

 On July 14th Jenn, Mark and I headed south for the fourth annual Capitol Reef Classic Stage Race.

This is one of Mark's favorite races for a number of reasons.

 It's one of the few stage races he is able to finish because 

all the stages are on Friday and Saturday. 

It includes a great time trial course, a circuit race - NO CRIT

And an 80 mile road race with a tough climb up to Fish Lake

and then back to town.

This year Mark's teammate Cris Williams came. Mark rode in the Masters 35+ category and Cris rode in the Masters 45+ category... they like to spread the love (or pain as the case may be).                                                                            Two days before the race Mark got a stomach bug and wasn't sure if he would be able to race but after a call to Dr. Wood and some excellent advice Mark was feeling better and decided to race.

Every time we go we stay at the Sandstone Inn in a little town called Torrey. It's kind of an artsy town with one tiny grocery store, art shops, a cool book store, lots of little restaurants including the Diablo Cafe which is one of my all time favorite restaurants. The food there is fresh, different, so tasty and beautiful (and a bit pricey) but worth it (probably a good thing we don't live closer).

 Mark rode a little cautiously in the time trial because he was uncertain as to how he would feel and he had the circuit race in the afternoon. He ended up 4th overall, about 40 seconds behind the leader and 10 and 12 seconds behind second and third place (I think... ).

Every year we have done this race it has been very hot but this year it was about 15 degrees cooler which was a welcome change.

The circuit race begins in Teasdale, goes through Torrey and around some beautiful countryside and back to Teasdale for a second lap. It has some good hills to climb as well as some fun downhill. The group usually drops the weakest riders on the hills and the strongest riders finish together. Jenn and I drove wheel support for this race and Jenn took some great pictures.

Mark came in second a few seconds ahead of the rest of the group so there was not much change in the GC from  this race as was expected.








After the race Mark was encouraged at how good he felt. We went back to the hotel, ate at the hotel restaurant, watched a movie (John Adams - really good) read (Shannon Hale, Forest Born - second time - loved it again) and got ready for the next day.




Saturday morning was cool and beautiful. Every one was feeling good - except me, I got Mark's bug - ugh! Luckily I knew how to handle it. Jenn and I followed the race taking pictures and giving time splits. On the first climb Mark, old teammate Zan (currently 5th place) and Mark Schaffer (currently first) dropped everyone else on the climb up to Fish Lake. Jenn and I pretty much missed the first feed because we were giving splits but as we were trying to get there Mark said he didn't need the bottle - it wasn't as hot as usual... whew! We gave them a few more splits and then went up the the feed zone at Fish Lake. They were steadily increasing their lead.

When they came through they were over a minute ahead of one of Mark Schaffer's teammates (second place guy) who was trying to bridge. Mark Z and Zan worked while Mark S sat in.

 In the end the three finished 10 mintues ahead of the others who had regrouped and were now riding together. Mark Shaffer was first, Mark Z was second and Zan was third. Our Mark also won King of the Hill... a $25 gift certificate to Cafe Diablo!!!!!  I think we will go again next year!

(the race and Cafe Diablo)