Late, late, late!

How could I be late  What else is new.

Happy (late) Birthday to Aaron. My first born. The child who experienced the full on ineptitude of my motherhood and lived to tell the tale. Not only survived but somehow thrived anyway. The nurse at the hospital had to remind me to burp him after I fed him. When we got home from the hospital I was almost soaked by a little fountain when I changed his diaper the first time. How did I not know little boys did that? That event dissolved me to tears. The reality hit me that despite my years as an older sister and babysitting so many children, I had never been a mother before. Never  been THE ONE responsible for the life of another. If a child had a problem in the past, all I had to do what hold on till the mom got home and she would know what to do. Now I was THE MOM and I didn't know what to do. It was that moment I realized I could not do this alone. I just didn't know how to be a mom. But I did know how to love - and part of my fear was there because of the overwhelming love I had for this new little boy that was my son. The thought of making mistakes and ruining him petrified me. I'm so glad I had a wonderful husband  - who also was new at this - and a loving Heavenly Father to support, guide and encourage me every step of the way. 

It seems to have worked.  

Because he is now eight years older than I was when he was born. Married to a wonderful woman with a delightful little girl and one more coming in March. He is bright, talented, devoted, funny, spiritual and a great dad and snowman maker. I couldn't be more proud. While I realize that I did play a part in his upbringing, when I look at the person he is today, I realize that only a small part of that was because of me.

Happy Birthday Aaron!

Recent Pins

Looking at my pinterest board I realized that the things I choose to pin say something about me and where I'm at.

Here are a few of my favorites and some feedback on some pins (recipes mostly) I have acted on.

Sisters

The first two  made me think of Aaron and Celisa. 

The first reminded me of Aaron as a toddler, maybe it's good they get a few more year of parenting experience under their belts before they have a boy... or at least get a few more sets of eyes.




Vegan, sugar free chocolate fudge.  Very easy and very yummy... probably too yummy. Sugar free does not mean low cal... probably will not be making this again very soon but not because it's not a good recipe.  

Monster cupcakes! How totally cute. I bought candy corns to make these I just need someone to give them to... I don't want them around the house. Any takers?








Butternut squash gnocchi with sage and browned butter. I have everything to make this... I was told that a food mill can be used in place of a ricer...maybe this weekend.                    




Roasted broccoli... it seems everything is getting roasted these days. Before you scroll down really fast I have to tell you, it was really good. We ate the first batch (ok it was mostly me but Jenn liked it too) I think Mark ate some too but I don't remember. So I bought the Costco pack of broccoli for my next batch. Turned out great again, even warmed up later... but I must tell you it is possible to eat too much broccoli in one day...

And then I will just leave you with a thought.  Do our actions really show what our highest priorities are?

Grandbaby #4

Celisa at 18 weeks

Is a GIRL!

Katelyn Marie Zimbelman

We are so excited for Aaron, Celisa and Olivia.

Olivia will be a great big sister.

From Aaron and Celisa's blog:

"Today when we were talking about the baby, Olivia put both hands on my belly and said, "Hi Baby Kate!" then she gave baby a love. She is such a sweetheart and will be a great big sis."

Being a grandma is the best...

I can't wait till Aaron graduates (2 more years) and gets a job within driving distance of us.

(That is the plan right?)

Strings Attached

photo courtesy of Amy

Tuesday morning Jenn and I went running with our neighbor, Karen. Mark would be leaving soon to fly to New Jersey for a business trip and would be home Friday evening. Amy's Jordan had been out of town the week before and had left again on Monday for another business trip. Last week was a rough one for Amy and this week would be her birthday. We had looked into airplane tickets to fly her and the kids out here but they were too expensive. Still... my heart ached at the thought of her being alone with two little ones on her birthday. There had to be something we could do. I began to assemble a package to send to her with some new fun things for Ruby to do and a little something for her too. As we were running I lamented to Karen about wanting to be with Amy, and Karen said, "Well, drive out there!". Duhhhh! why didn't I think of that! Jenn and I got back from our run around 7:45, talked to Mark as he was heading out the door and arranged to take the Mazda. We quickly packed, I taught Kindermusik from 10:00 to 10:45 and we were on the road by 11:15. We called Amy about two hours into our drive and told her to break out her air mattress. We were all very excited! We arrived that evening and got to see Ruby for a few minutes before Amy tucked her into bed. Two glorious days of giggling, chasing, baby kisses, imaginary play, coloring, snuggling and bliss. It seemed like more of a gift to me than to Amy in a lot of ways. It was really fun to make her some birthday cupcakes, get her some balloons, dinner and cool candles, as if she was 16 instead of 26. Jordan came home that night (Thursday - her birthday) and they went out and saw Harry Potter. Yesterday Jenn and I went running with Amy and the crew and then packed up again and headed home. 

I know about cutting apron strings and the importance of allowing children to grow up and become independent. I know they need to be able to live their own lives and right now Sacramento is where Amy, Jordan and their family are supposed to be. But what about the heart strings. No one seems to talk much about those. The aching I feel when I leave that sweet family... being able to still feel the sweet little hugs and hear laughter in my head and know it will be a while before my cheek is able to rest on their silky hair again. What about that tugging on my heart when, like Ruby and Olivia, I too want to be able to go through the screen when we skype and be wrapped in their arms. Then there's the pull I feel that makes me so willing to spend two days driving to see them for two days. So totally worth it. In many ways this trip was empowering. It was easy to throw a few thing in my bag and just go. Aaron and Celisa better settle within a one day drive too, because even thought the apron strings have been cut, the heartstrings are still firmly attached.

Reflections

My life ebbs and flows like everyones but it seems lately it's been in large waves rather than a soft surf on a shallow beach. Wonderful exciting things as well as challenges and just as the the trees are leafing out and filling with pink and white blossoms my life will also change in big ways very soon. Someone recently related that the kanji symbol for challenge is the same or similar to that of change. Amy and Jordan came to Utah over conference with their two sweet children to bless Peter. Aaron, Celisa and Olivia were able to get a flight out and join us. Christian got special permission to go to the temple that week also. I began to move with more speed to get the basement bathroom in usable condition (ie. walls painted, towels and more than a plastic drop cloth for a shower curtain... among other things.) That same week Robbie called me on a Monday afternoon to tell me he'd been in an accident. 

Picture from his ipod

Another driver didn't see him and hit him 

We were blessed that he was protected but it bent the frame and his car was totaled.

Later that week he lost his job. 

By Wednesday family was arriving and our home became wonderfully full.

Thursday morning Kindermusik class with my granddaughters and their Uncles was heaven.

Each day was so wonderful.

Robbie's trials have turned out to be blessings in many ways although not everything is resolved yet.

But we do feel confident that all will work out. 

I will leave you with the family picture we took while everyone was here and post more pictures of specific events in the coming days.

27

 

It was 27 years ago but I remember it so clearly; the day Aaron was born.

My very first baby. 

They placed him in my arms and I marveled 

that this little human being was mine, I was HIS MOM.

No one was going to come in and take over for me.

No one would tell me how he likes to be held or tucked in at night.

He was ours to protect, nurture and provide for.

I was so glad Mark and I were in this together.

What is it about first children?

They are the teachers that help parents know how to be parents.

You can read and study and even take care of other children,

but it's really on the job training that does it.

It's the first child that teaches you about patience, sacrifice and love.

I think Heavenly Father sends especially resilient spirits to be first children.

They need to be a little extra forgiving and flexible as parents figure things out.

It looks like he wasn't harmed too much by our inexperience. He is a wonderful young man who is married to a wonderful woman and has an adorable little one. In his second year of a 5 year PhD program and working very hard, doing very well.

 Happy Birthday Aaron!

WE LOVE YOU!

A little slice of Heaven

Aaron called me about two weeks ago with a proposition.

He was coming out to attend a conference sponsored by BYU and was thinking about bringing Olivia.

Because she's only 18 months she could fly for free. There was one catch... Aaron would be in meetings Thursday afternoon, much of Friday and half day Saturday... which meant I would need to watch Livi... ummm where is the catch?

Celisa was kind enough to let Olivia come with Aaron

(I did feel bad that Celisa was home alone but hopefully she got a good break) 

One benefit of having grandchildren living a good distance away (I'm trying to be optimistic) is that when they do come and visit I don't feel the least bit guilty dropping everything to play with them 24/7. I think I only cooked one meal and we just snacked on that the whole time. 

I must admit that while we had fun playing and reading and dancing, Livi's very favorite activity was playing the piano - and play it we did, literally a few hours each day. Aaron got her up one morning and she asked to go downstairs. Aaron asked her if she knew who was downstairs (referring to Grandma) and she thought about it and said "Piano!"

Mark and I lay in bed at night filled with gratitude for our wonderful children, their spouses and our grand children. Each one has unique talents and gifts and we are in awe of them as we watch them live their lives... and these granddaughters are such a gift. Thinking about them and the wonderful way they are being raised fills me with so much joy. I'm so excited to meet our new little grandson in January (more positive thinking and energy here). 

LIFE IS SO GOOD!

What Dads have taught me

My dad and niece Erika
(circa 2002ish)

One spoke out, “My dad is bigger than your dad,” to which another replied, “Well, my dad is smarter than your dad.” The third boy countered, “My dad is a doctor.” Then, turning to one boy, he taunted in derision, “And your dad is only a teacher.” There is one teacher whose life overshadows all others. When the boy heard the taunts: “My dad is bigger than yours,” “My dad is smarter than yours,” “My dad is a doctor,” well could he have replied, “Your dad may be bigger than mine; your dad may be smarter than mine; your dad may be a pilot, an engineer, or a doctor; but my dad is a teacher.” May each of us ever merit such a sincere and worthy compliment!

Thomas S. Monson

I am blessed to be surrounded by wonderful dads who are also teachers. My own dad taught me joy in service, love of the Lord, and tenderheartedness. The father of my children has taught me and them much about integrity, humility and priorities.

My son and son in law have taught me to take time time to have fun and enjoy the little moments of life as I have watched them love their little girls.

I thank my Heavenly Father or all these earthly fathers that help me to know Him better.

Visitors

These two were in my back yard this morning (Thursday)

but really they have nothing to do with the rest of the post.

Late last Friday night Aaron flew in.
He took a detour on his way home from a conference in Texas to be with us for Robbie's homecoming. (We were sad that he wasn't able to sneak Celisa and Olivia in his suitcase.) Amy, Jordan and Ruby arrived early Saturday evening.
Sunday was Robbie's homecoming.
I was up first Sunday morning and this was left over from the night before, but instead of feeling frustrated at the mess...
books we read with Ruby and some gifts Robbie brought back from Brazil... it served as a happy reminder that this day was no ordinary Sunday.

Jennifer received her Young Womanhood Recognition Award
David Messenger spoke before Robbie which was very fitting seeing how they both began serving a mission about the same time and finished within days of each other. David served in the family history center in Orem and occasionally went to Salt Lake. David has Aspergers and he and Robbie have been friends since we moved here. Robbie shared an inspiring message about the great worth of souls - our own as well as others.

It was a touching and inspiring meeting from beginning to end.

Afterwards our home was flooded with wonderful people who love Robbie and celebrated his return with us. So many wonderful people who have touched our lives. We are eternally indebted. I wish I had pictures - although it would make this post VERY long.

Sometime during the day I saw my three boys together and it struck me. They are all grown up! All of them.
(which makes me old!)
Just to clarify...Christian was standing down hill and Aaron up hill -
Christian is the tallest and Robbie and Aaron are about the same with Aaron being slightly taller than Rob.
Don't you think they look like their Dad?

I can't remember when I have felt so much joy.
Life just keeps getting better.

I can't wait 'till August when we are all together.

26

Aaron at 26

Aaron has always been a hard worker and he also knows how to work smart. When he was young he finally realized that when there was work to be done he may as well get in and do it. Often, by the time the other kids began working he was done and gone.
When he was in second grade his teacher requested a conference with Aaron, Mark and I. Mrs. Burns noticed a pattern in Aaron's work. He would get 100% repeatedly and then not turn in an assignment. He seemed to be doing just enough work that his grade averaged out to a solid "B".
He's grown up a lot since then.
He married a wonderful woman and has a beautiful daughter.
He loves those girls more than anything...
He works hard for them
as he finishes his masters and is working away on his PhD.
You've come a long way in that past 26 years.
We sure love you.
Happy {late} Birthday!

Home again, home again, jigity jig

(this is not a current picture - the colors have not changed and I have no fall decor up yet)

I arrived home Monday just after two pm.
My trip to Illinois was good.

We left last Wednesday morning, early, about the same time Christian left to take Amy to the airport. Olivia was an angel for two long days in the car. No one fell asleep while driving. Getting out of the car in Omaha I was reminded that I live in a very dry climate.

We arrived on Thursday in time to get the key to the apartment and were greeted by a crew to unload the moving van. Beds and the crib were put together and clothed in clean welcoming sheets.

The empty truck was returned Friday morning and by Friday evening most of the boxes were emptied also and hauled away or broken down and put outside to be stored.

By Saturday evening the fridge was full, closets and bookshelves organized and all that remained were the pictures. Aaron and Celisa went out to celebrate their 2nd anniversary while I got some alone time with Olivia. When they returned we stayed up till midnight hanging pictures and figuring out where to put the last of everything.

Sunday was relaxing. Church, games, a walk in the rain, fireflies and Livi laughed for the first time. The ward has lots of PhD students with their families adding dimension to a variety of people in different life stages. It's comforting for me to meet those who will be loving and caring for my family.

I left early Monday morning - once again struggling with my emotions but once again feeling comforted - knowing they are where they are supposed to be and all will be well. When the plane landed I got a text from Celisa. Olivia rolled over for the first time. Life moves forward and I feel peace and joy in my life.

It feels good to be home.

Splinched

For those of you who are not Harry Potter fans,
Splinching takes place when one travels by appirition but appirates incompletely leaving part of oneself behind - painful and not pretty (as Ron learned in Book 7 when he accidentally left his ear or was it a piece of his arm behind?).

I am beginning to know what if feels like to be splinched.
In June I traveled to Sacramento and left part of me there.
Now I will travel to Champaign Illinois and leave another part of me there.
Leaving a missionary at the MTC is a kind of splinching
but you know they will return and be close by a little longer...
so it's not quite the same as what I'm feeling now.

(this is not to be confused with creating a Hoarcrux -
which I am definitely NOT doing)

I also feel splinched when I leave family still at home to help a child move. Glad I can be helping but missing my family at home.

(It seems I'm kind of a mess doesn't it?)

Our family moves into a new and different state as our children begin to reside more permanantly in different states.

It feels odd.

I often feel incomplete without my children close by.
I suppose I will get used to it...
but then again I'm not sure It's something I want to get used to.

I need a plan.
Something I can count on.
Someway to count the days until we'll be in the same room again.
Able to play games together, to share a meal together, to crawl on the floor with our grandbabies again, and gather our own children and their spouses in our arms, even if it's only for a few short days.

Until then I remain splinched.
Unless someone knows how to fix it...
Anyone?

25 one day late

3 days old

It seems perfectly appropriate that I wish Aaron a happy birthday one day late
After all... he also was one day late.

Twenty five years.
My son is twenty five.
Whew. It seems like I should feel old... well, older than I do feel

2 months in his blessing outfit

It's amazing how life works. I remember putting away some food about a month before I was due and looking at the expiration date...
My pregnancy was due to "expire" before the food was.
I think that's when it really hit me that I wasn't going to be pregnant forever and that this baby tucked so tightly inside me wiggling around was really going to be born.

Raising Aaron has been a joyful journey.
He was always an inquisitive child wanting to know the how, why, when, where and how come about everything.
Halloween 1986
Norman Oklahoma 1998ish

He has always had a great love for his siblings and felt from early on a great sense of responsibility to set a good example and guide them.


With dad on Gooseberry Mesa

A friend of mine was looking at a newborn baby boy and said,
"It's hard to believe looking at him now that he will be a man someday"

It's amazing how quickly the time passes.
Now my first baby is a man with a wife and baby of his own on the way.

I could say a lot more but pretty soon this will be two days late and that just won't do.

Love you Aaron!
Happy Birthday