Healthier desserts

Those who know me well know that I love desserts, especially chocolate.

Eating a lot of sweets definitely does not help me maintain my weight but the thought of giving them up forever often feels daunting and impossible. 

Ever since Amy shared with me her awesome recipe for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies I have been experimenting with lots of other recipes/combinations to make desserts (or snacks) healthier.

I wouldn't exactly call them health food but healthier food.

Time for me to get back to Weight Watchers, but if I can have these when I'm back where I want to be and a few pumpkin cookies on the way success will be that much sweeter!

Brownie recipe here.

The Secret Formula

We were in enjoying a beautiful evening the back yard with some friends when someone asked Mark how we got such great vegetable plants. He quickly explained how we tilled compost in below the ground level ...

then built up the boxes and tilled in more compost, more soil and still more compost.

They seemed unconvinced so he explained how we put in a drip system and hooked it up to the sprinkler timer so it would get the right amount of water on a regular basis.

As Mark was explaining, another friend came up and said,
"Karen just has a green thumb".
The person was instantly satisfied and that was the end of the conversation.

I have thought about that a lot lately.

The answer they were looking for was some
quick fix secret formula.
The real secret formula they needed to make their garden grow
involved a lot of hard work.

The funny thing is that the hard work is not permanent.
We do not have to go back and recreate the boxes each year to get a great garden.
While we do have some routine maintenance,
like tilling the boxes each spring and periodically adding compost,
the amount of work required on a regular basis is quite small.
It's small now because of the past work we did.

Really, it's the same with weight loss
or an education or anything...

...maybe it's even true about getting organized.
Too much looking for the perfect system
and not enough making it work...

Sisters

I skipped Weight Watchers today.

I set a goal, maybe too lofty of a goal, three weeks ago and knew I wouldn't even be close today.

I just couldn't face it. So I stayed home feeling guilty and trying to recommit...
but more or less just feeling like a failure
and thinking of all the things I shouldn't let myself do as punishment.

10:15 - my phone rang. I should have been half way through my meeting. I contemplated not answering it because of that fact... but alas I did not want to add dishonesty to my list of evils... so I answered.

Lisa: How'd you do? (We often talk after my meeting to offer support)
Karen: Ummm, I didn't go... I just couldn't face it.

So I spun my tale of submission to chocolate and a Hi-Hat cupcake and the carnage that followed. She listened, commiserated and then gently spoke the truth:

Would you walk up to someone and say, "I can't believe you ate that (or did that) you big jerk!? Now you are gong to be as bad or worse than you were before!"
Of course not! That's ridiculous and it's not true!

So why do you say this to yourself?
(How did she know?)

OK, you messed up a little, now what? You can make the choice. You have the power and ability. You can choose not to eat that cupcake (or fill in the blank) next time or choose to eat it (within reasonable guidelines), enjoy it and not feel guilty. One poor choice does not ruin everything you have done or seal your fate for the future. Learn from it and move on.

I cried.
She was (and still is) right.

Even though I haven't lived within 500 miles of my sisters for nearly 25 years we are still connected and today Lisa provided the tender mercy I needed.

Thanks, I love you.

Flashback Friday: There's nothing to fear...

When I was little I remember laying in my bed as flat as I could so that if someone shot an arrow through the window they wouldn't hit me...and no matter how hot it was I ALWAYS covered myself with my sheet, the more protection the better... seems pretty silly now but for years (maybe it just seemed like years) this is how I went to sleep. (I still like a sheet covering me but it has nothing to do with arrows).

WARNING - I realize there are not many people who read this but if you are one of the few and are sick of posts about losing weight, feel free to close this now. This post is more for me than you.

It's funny how I still have strange (OK - maybe irrational) fears. It was also somewhat unexpected how emotionally charged the whole weight loss thing is for me. It's really more than just exercising and eating right. Maybe if I just put them out there I can see that I really have nothing to fear.
1. I can't buy new clothes until I reach my ideal weight - what if I somehow become satisfied with the way I look and stop loosing?
2. What if I get stuck and never can reach my goal?
3. What if I'm never satisfied with the way I look?
4. If I'm not obsessive I won't loose weight.
5. What if I have to eat so little food to reach my goal that I can't maintain it?
6. Can I really be happy not eating whatever I want whenever I want?

Ok, I feel better already. Even as I typed some of these issues that have been floating in the back of my head it seems silly that I would even worry about them. This whole process has been fascinating to understand my self better, physically and emotionally. I'm learning a lot about the way my own body works.

OK, one more breakthrough for me. I am posting a picture of myself, by myself on my blog. Reward or punishment... you have to figure that one out. Nice hair cut though, thanks Jamie...

I can't tell you how tempting it is to delete this whole thing but I accidentally posted it before I was finished so I guess I'll leave it.

Flashback Friday: all the way to yesterday

Yesterday was weigh-in day at weight watchers. I weighed myself in the morning - a surprise at the scale is not fun in public that's for sure (I almost cried once). Hmmm, looked pretty good - I figured I was guaranteed at least one pound down, possibly a little more. My clothes have been hanging a little more and three people have told me I look like I've been loosing weight. COOL! I was ready to do this... possibly I would be able to share the secrets of my success with someone at the meeting.

Then came weighing in time. I wore the same capris I wore last week (when I went from light cotton to jean capris it wasn't good news - hence the comment about crying), a light weight top and of course slip on shoes. (I am really not looking forward to going to the meetings during a snow storm wearing jean capris, a light top and slip on shoes.)

Back to the scale. I lost a whole .2 lbs. Not 2 lbs - point two pounds. How could this be? I went into the meeting and sat in the back feeling totally dejected. What went wrong.... were my keys in my pocket??? .....Oh yea, that stupid sentimental chocolate cake, not the piece I planned for on Sunday but the one that seduced me on Tuesday (see comments on last weeks flashback for an explanation). Then Wednesday night Jen made an awesome mini apple pie for YW - I knew it was awesome cause I ate some of it. I also realized that I had gotten in the bad habit (again) of eating a handful of cereal when I cleared up breakfast - didn't count those points either.

At the end of the meeting a young mother with a small baby got an award for reaching her goal. We all cheered. When asked if she had any advice she said, "Just keep at it. Don't get discouraged if you only loose .2 lbs instead of 2 lbs. a loss is still a loss and you are going in the right direction." (She really did say that exact thing, talk about tender mercies) She went on to explain that she had lost 120 lbs. There was a collective gasp. She said she was three pounds from her goal when she found out she was pregnant. Now her baby is a few months old and she made it! Good for her!

Going in the right direction. How applicable to so many more things than loosing my love handles. So here is my goal. Don't obsess, learn from my mistakes and just keep moving in the right direction. If I'm doing that I'll get there eventually. (And weigh myself at home beforehand with my clothes on.)