Friday, December 5, 2008

Why I don't have an updated journal

I've wanted to post for a time but didn't as I felt the need to catch up. I totally missed Thanksgiving but mainly because the pictures I want are on Christian's camera instead of mine (excuses, excuses). Now for the substance.

My heart is very full right now with many impressions and feelings. I'm not sure they will make sense to you and they may seem random but here goes:

I get up every morning and go about my daily routine with little change while all around me others do not have the same luxury. Friends with sick children in the hospital and a good sister in our ward passed away last week. My good husband, busy with tithing settlement, and end of semester things must also prepare for her funeral but he still makes time to play Mastermind with Jennifer in the evenings and snuggle with me at night.

The weather has turned cold but still no snow. We put up our Christmas tree after Thanksgiving and decorated it two Sundays ago when Aaron and Celisa were here for dinner. We reminisced about the hodgepodge of ornaments as we placed them on the tree and I realized that it's been a while since we've done that. It seems that I've been so task oriented trying to get "things checked off my list" these past few years that I've skipped over the things that make "the list" beautiful and joyful.

Mark put our Christmas music on my computer and now, using the "air port" he got me for my birthday, I can listen to my music from the nice stereo in the living room as well as the computer speakers in the family room. I didn't know that "O Holy Night" was his favorite Christmas song... and we've been married 26 years.

Thanksgiving was wonderful. My family didn't complain about the traditional meal minus butter and sugar where ever possible. That evening we guessed artists and song titles that boys played from their computers while the girls played Ticket to Ride and guessed songs too - even when we weren't supposed to. That evening I felt so grateful for my life. While I have felt sad lately at the thoughts of my married kids moving (and taking my grandbabies with them) I have made a conscious decision - with the help of my wonderful counselor, confidant, best friend and husband, to enjoy the moment now... missing them will come soon enough. He is a very wise soul.

But back to today and now. My Aunt passed away yesterday. She is my mom's oldest sister and somewhat of a mother figure to my mom as their mother was often sick. As I write this my mom is packing up to come for her funeral in Salt Lake, they will arrive tomorrow. Yesterday Aaron and Celisa found out they are having a girl, Olivia. A little girl cousin for Ruby to be buddies with. Celisa also felt the baby kick and is finally showing. Death and new life all around.

I turned in my research paper today, the last one I will write... possibly forever... good? bad? I don't know ... but somehow I feel a little more freedom to focus on other things that need my attention without an assignment hanging over my head. Funny, on my last paper I finally found the balance between doing more and saying good enough.

I feel like I need to add some kind of conclusion to this to wrap it up, tie it all together and make sense of it all. Something cliche like "enjoy today because you don't know what tomorrow will bring". True enough... but I really just feel thankful to be where I am, connected to people I love so much ...and I feel a greater desire to not take them for granted and to try to be a little better tomorrow... and with a little luck I will add pictures later, if not so be it.

5 comments:

Kami Su said...

Sounds like a lot of great, awful things have been going on around you. You have always been someone I've looked up to and a lot of it is because you seem to really enjoy life and all that it offers. Your post was good for me and makes me feel gratitude for all we DO have. Thanks!

celisamz said...

This is a really good post and reading it increased my gratitude too. You are so good at expressing yourself in writing-and in many other creative ways! (Stamping, etc.) Thanks for being who you are and doing all that you do!

Tracy said...

Really enjoyed this post. Made me want to take time to reflect and then enjoy. Thanks!

Christie said...

It seems like we are at a similar place is our lives...this post resonated with much of how I'm feeling. Memories and feelings become so tender as we recognize how blessed we are. Watching our adult children having experiences that trigger our memories of those days is something quite remarkable. Your nest will be populated a few more years than mine, so I cherish every moment with Kate still here. Is there a graduation celebration coming up?

allegra said...

I'm so so sorry about your Aunt! loss is never easy and I wish you the best. But congrats on a new grandbaby on the way! That's pretty exciting.

How funny. My dad's favorite christmas song is Oh Holy night too. It must be a dad's thing:) kidding. i too love the song.