Thursday, February 11, 2010

A lot

It's been a while and a lot has been going on
inside our home but
also a lot inside my heart and head.
Lots of thoughts and feelings and time spent sorting through them all.

Yesterday morning while I was doing a pump class after aerobics I picked up a hand weight and felt something sharp poke my finger right near the joint.
I looked closely at my finger but couldn't see anything.
I inspected the weight and found nothing...

So I went to my spot and continued my workout.
Every once in a while though, my finger hurt again.
I would stop, look closely, scrape the skin but nothing helped.

This finger continued to feel as if it had something in it but no matter what I did I couldn't get relief. Luckily it only bothered me occasionally.
This morning as I was making breakfast it hurt again. I went upstairs and retrieved my reading glasses, tweezers and a sharp pin. Downstairs in the the bright lights of the kitchen - with the help of my glasses
I saw it...them really, two small metal slivers.

These past weeks have been full:
a trip to Mexico,
visiting with Aaron, Celisa and Olivia
then the earthquake in Haiti,
a friend in the process of dying from cancer,
wanting to help but not sure how,
a dear friend visiting,
Robbie coming home soon,
Amy, Jordan and Ruby visiting,
a week of being sick,
trying to get organized - and actually having some success
but also realizing how much there is to be done.

These past few weeks have been rich, heart wrenching and joyful
especially spending time with children and their families.
During this there have been moments when I have felt a stab of pain and heartache as I come face to face with my own weaknesses and inadequacies.
How often I have wished I was better and at the same time felt very grateful that my family and friends are so forgiving of me when I fall short.

Life is about growth and improvement.
Just like putting my glasses on gave me a clear view of the slivers,
theses past few weeks have helped me see more clearly the areas in my life that I need to work on. I feel a little more grounded and have hope that even if I never become perfect in these areas I can improve and that the pain I sometimes feel as I clearly see my imperfections will be less and less as I improve.

And really, it's hard to feel bad very long with sweetness like this in my life. I am so blessed.


Amy said...

Love this. you are wonderful, Mom.

Christie said...

Isn't it amazing that we keep learning that life really is a journey . . . every segment of our travels brings new experiences, challenges, and makes us face our inadequacies again and again. Why did we think we might ultimately 'arrive' or that learning one thing would actually make the pile of things left to learn smaller? Love you Karen . . . we have to quit meeting like this . . . and do it in person for a change.