Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue. Tulips and Daffodils blooming, birds singing. Ruby and I went to the park. We spent almost as much time traveling there and back as we did at the park. So much to see and experience: birds, rushing water under the bridge, ducks swimming in the river, trees blooming, dogs barking. Every thing is an adventure waiting to be explored. Walking on the playground in the woodchips. Walking on the mesh of the play equipment you can see everything below but somehow you don't fall through. Going down long tube slides, short slides and open swirly slides. Garbage trucks so noisy and big. Later we wrestled and played with balls on my bed. On the bed you can fall straight back from a sitting position and it doesn't hurt your head. Not so on the floor. Her giggles were pure joy as the stuffed lamb tried to eat her crackers.

Today was beautiful.

For the next few days we won't see the sun. Rain mixed with snow in our forecast. Cloudy and unseasonably cold. It makes me want to put everything else on hold and soak up as much sun as possible
- every single ray.

For me this feeling is magnified. Reality is beginning to set in. With the incredible joy I felt today I noticed a little bit of heartache creeping in. A little bit of dread for the coming days when I will miss the sunshine - and to such a larger extent
- my little Ruby.

I know - logically I know - we will skype and talk on the phone and will visit often. Amy will post videos and pictures - but it will not be the same. I know this is good for them. This is what they need to do and where they need to be. They will adjust and so will I.

But right now I want to spend every available second with my nose nuzzled in Rubys chubby little neck, looking for dogs and birds in the yard and finding ways to hear that beautiful musical laughter.

I just wish I knew how to make the heartache go away so I could just enjoy the sunshine today.


Tracy said...

What a *beautiful* baby girl, and how lucky she is to have you for a grandma! I'm so sad for you. Having lived far from grandparents my whole life, this will make all of your times together more special and more memorable, and you'll soak up every minute of them when you have them. They'll NEVER take you for granted. Well, ok, they probably will (lol), but not for the regular reasons. Hang in there!

Amy said...

I agree, Mom. The closer the moving day is, the harder it is to think about it. So many mixed emotions. But, we will come as much as we can...I promise! LOVE YOU!

MZ said...

You're awesome--someday I hope to be like you!

Christie said...

Ahh...she's adorable...the toddling year is full of so much wonder. Remind me...where are they going and for what? I'm sad for you....is Aaron sticking around with his little one?

Karen said...

Amy and her family are moving to Sacramento for a job and Aaron and his family will be moving end of August for grad school in Ill.